What to do?

I've been feeling sort of melancholy for the last few days and can't figure out why. I thought maybe it was hormones or something. So I've been eating more than usual...yes I know...that's ALOT!

I had my husband bring home ice cream. He works for a food services place so he can get those huge containers like they have at the ice cream shops. So I've been having ice cream sodas the last couple of nights.

So I'm sitting here and my daughter in law calls and tells me that my ex-husband is in the hospital. He apparently has had a heart attack. We haven't been married for over 12 years but of course, there is still always that tiny little spot in my heart for him. We were married 19 years so he was a big part of my life. And we had a son together so he does matter to me but I find myself having any kind of feelings on the matter which I find weird.

I was wondering if maybe the reason I've been feeling so down, is because maybe I had a feeling something was going to happen. Sounds strange, but I do get "feelings" or maybe premonitions about things. I had no reason to feel down or depressed. Things are going pretty well except for the money situation that plagues us daily but that's a whole other story.

So here I sit in the northwest while my son has to deal with his father who is in the hospital in California. I really don't know what to do. Since my ex and I have divorced, we haven't had a very good relationship and its been pretty non-existant since my son turned 18 and that was almost 10 years ago. He feels he was burned pretty good so hasn't wanted to try and talk or anything, so it puts me in a situation of not knowing what to do. So again....I eat. Thinking that eating will solve all my problems but all it does is makes me feel worse.

I had a friend who tagged photos of me to facebook and all I see is a typical older fat woman sitting there with her 3 chins and double rolls on her middle area. Not a pretty sight. I just don't know what it's going to take and I know I keep saying that but I'm even too lazy to go to the doctor and see if I can get some kind of surgery to get rid of this fat. Yes, something I said I would never do, and now I just feel its the only way. I know what it takes to lose weight, and it's not easy and it's just something I'm not up to. I was hoping seeing my husband getting heavier too would motivate me to help him lose weight which in turn would help me lose weight, but it doesn't. We both just keep eating.

So with not having any money, not knowing how to help my son thru this with his father, and we're selling our house, and eating like someone is going to come and take all my food away, I'm not in a good place and I don't know what to do about it.

I guess I'm not in such a good place after all. I know the money situation is getting too me alot. We have to call one company after another to try and see how far we can push paying into the month. This will be the second month we've been late on paying the mortgage and I'm hoping that's not going to mess up my parents credit since the mortgage is in their names.

You're probably saying well get off of your ass and get a job. Well, I did work for over 22 years about 14 years ago, and then got hurt on the job, retrained and then when I applied for the job they told me I couldn't qualify because of my injury so haven't worked since. Can't collect disability because they say my disability isn't bad enough, so I'm sorta outta luck. I did try and go and work for Walmart as a cashier, but by the end of the day, I could barely walk out to my car because of my back. My husband works hard to support us so can't really ask him to get a second job. I did start selling Avon a year ago, but not making a bundle off of it, and have been using that money to pay some of the bills so now I'm going to be short on getting that paid back to Avon so they don't put a hold on my order, so now I don't know what to do.

Sorta frustrated with all this going on and now that I've typed it all out here....I guess things arent so good right now.